by Helen Macrae

Summer is most definitely, sweatily, meltingly here, and no doubt you’re trying to make the most of the hot weather. Here’s another handy hint to save you money, so you can spend your funds on more important summer essentials like ice lollies, cold beer and deoderant.

Get your parents over

Well, you’ve been in debt to the Bank of Mum & Dad since you were born so you might as well borrow a little bit more now. Invite them over to Madrid for a relaxing holiday, and while they’re out seeing the sites they can pay for you too. And treat you to dinner afterwards at one of those fancy-looking restaurants you’ve never been able to afford. And then maybe a few expensive cocktails after that.

Some of you might feel bad sponging off the wonderful beings who brought you into this world, but really, you can’t ignore those fantastic interest rates and indefinite repayment periods. Plus they get to see their beloved son/daughter and you get to see the city for free. Everyone’s a winner!   

by Helen Macrae

This week’s fun money-saving activity involves a visit to one of Spain’s most important institutions.

El Corte Inglés

There are literally hundreds of these horribly confusing department stores dotted around Madrid, so just take your pick of which one you fancy getting lost in for an afternoon. On the plus side, their size means you can find pretty much anything and everything you might need in there, just be sure you go to the right store in the first place (unlike yours truly who went up a whole eight floors looking for a pair of speakers, only be told that the electronic goods were in the shop next door. Obviously).

Since you’re broke and shoplifting is naughty, you’ll have to content yourself with freebie activities, such as trying on all the make-up, testing out the perfumes and stuffing yourself with any free food samples. If you want a challenge, try and crack a smile from one of the po-faced shop assistants. If you want a bigger challenge, try and find the way out afterwards.

by Helen Macrae

As all current and ex-students know, when your loan’s dwindled to nothing and you’re broker than Paul McCartney would be if Heather Mills had got her way, you need to get creative if you want to have fun without spending any money. Although my housemate H and I graduated almost three years ago, we don’t seem to have progressed much beyond the state of penniless students, so, when we found ourselves with nearly a week off work this Easter but barely 10 Euros between us, we had to come up with a plan.

Here are our Madrid top tips for minimum spend and maximum F U N !

1. Retiro it up

Madrid’s number one park is huge, easy to get to and, best of all, completely free. Go on a Sunday and count how many kids you can spot trussed up in their Sunday best after church (double points for any siblings in matching outfits) or have a laugh at all the people sweltering in their rubbish Spiderman/Mickey Mouse costumes. If you really want to blend in with the Madrileños, wear beige or, if you’re feeling fancy, a bit of gold (weekend beige).

2. Snog

While you’re down at the Retiro you might as well do as the Spanish do and have a good old snog. Just grab your partner, find a highly visible park bench and go for it! See how long you can manage without coming up for air, or perhaps try testing how amorous you can get (bonus points for any removal of clothes!) before someone comes over to tell you off/you’re thrown out by park security. If you don’t have a lady or fella to snog, then fear not, just try our next tip which is…

3. Stroll down Calle Lavapies

Take a walk down this street in our favourite barrio and you will more than likely get a few lecherous comments shouted at you by willing suitors. If none of them take your fancy, head into one of the many curry houses instead and see if you can sweet-talk your way into some free poppadums.

4. Explore the dark side

If all the romance is just too much or you’ve recently had an unpleasant break-up and are feeling particularly bitter, head back to the Retiro and annoy some snogging couples by throwing twigs/stones/frozen peas at them. Make sure you’re well-hidden before you start and plan your escape route should things get nasty.

5. Be cultured

Find out when the various art galleries do their freebie days and try to pass for an arty type (beret optional). Since it’s free the place will probably be heaving with both Madrileños and foreigners alike, but while you’re queueing you can play everybody’s favourite game “Guess the nationality” to while away the time.

6. Try the swapsies market

Not technically free, but if you do want to buy something from this market (unlikely) it won’t cost you more than a couple of cents. The stallholders set out their wares (i.e. tat they’ve found in a dustbin) just over the road from Atocha station most days in the early evening, and therein ensues a frenzy of bartering until the police show up and everyone gets moved along.

7. Go Swedish

Hours of fun can be had at IKEA, Sweden’s best export. The easiest one to get to if you don’t have a car (which, let’s face it, is pretty unlikely if you’re skint and if you do you probably don’t have the money to fill it up with petrol anyway) is Madrid Este on Metro Line 1 (Las Suertes). Bring your camera and take a few photos of you and your mates posing in the various home set-ups to send back to the parents (”Look mum, we DO live in a nice tidy flat”) and have fun testing the beds and sofas for comfort. See how long it takes before you are forcibly removed from the premises.

8. Ride the Circle line

Ok, so it’s probably not the most thrilling Saturday night you could have, but it’ll only cost you the price of a Metro ticket, jump on Line 6 and you might meet some new friends!