by Helen Macrae

Summer is most definitely, sweatily, meltingly here, and no doubt you’re trying to make the most of the hot weather. Here’s another handy hint to save you money, so you can spend your funds on more important summer essentials like ice lollies, cold beer and deoderant.

Get your parents over

Well, you’ve been in debt to the Bank of Mum & Dad since you were born so you might as well borrow a little bit more now. Invite them over to Madrid for a relaxing holiday, and while they’re out seeing the sites they can pay for you too. And treat you to dinner afterwards at one of those fancy-looking restaurants you’ve never been able to afford. And then maybe a few expensive cocktails after that.

Some of you might feel bad sponging off the wonderful beings who brought you into this world, but really, you can’t ignore those fantastic interest rates and indefinite repayment periods. Plus they get to see their beloved son/daughter and you get to see the city for free. Everyone’s a winner!   

by Helen Macrae

This week’s fun money-saving activity involves a visit to one of Spain’s most important institutions.

El Corte Inglés

There are literally hundreds of these horribly confusing department stores dotted around Madrid, so just take your pick of which one you fancy getting lost in for an afternoon. On the plus side, their size means you can find pretty much anything and everything you might need in there, just be sure you go to the right store in the first place (unlike yours truly who went up a whole eight floors looking for a pair of speakers, only be told that the electronic goods were in the shop next door. Obviously).

Since you’re broke and shoplifting is naughty, you’ll have to content yourself with freebie activities, such as trying on all the make-up, testing out the perfumes and stuffing yourself with any free food samples. If you want a challenge, try and crack a smile from one of the po-faced shop assistants. If you want a bigger challenge, try and find the way out afterwards.

by Helen Macrae

This week’s tips on how to enjoy the city without breaking the bank are all sunshine-related. Although the weather has been less than great recently, this is Spain after all, and I’m therefore certain (in my appointed role as the eternal optimist) that things will brighten up soon. And if they don’t then I would like a refund please.

Sunbathe

Ok so all the beauty magazines bang on about fake tan being the only way to go these days, but who doesn’t enjoy soaking up a few UV rays now and again? Plus, everyone knows you need a bit of sunshine to get your Vitamin D intake and stop you getting rickets. Or something. Anyway, just remember to slap on some sunscreen and choose your spot carefully, for example on some nice lush grass in the one the city parks. Lying in the middle of a busy footpath in the style of our local tramp Tetrabrik Dave is probably not advised.

Sunset

Watch the sun go down on a balmy summer’s evening. One of my favourite spots is overlooking the palace by the Templo de Debod - best views in the city.

Sunrise

You probably aren’t going to sacrifice your lie-in so you can watch the sun come up, so the ideal time is probably after a night out on the town, which of course has been financed by your new ridiculously wealthy girl/boyfriend (please see previous tip “Become a kept man/woman”). Best spot is probably somewhere within crawling distance of whichever nightclub you stumble out of.

by Lev Eldudin

We’ve all been there, and the decision is not an easy one. You’re home in the afternoon on a weekday, you find yourself having a couple more hours free than you expected. Do you take your siesta?

It sounds like a simple yes or no decision, but there are a lot of factors that play into the verdict. How long do I sleep for? Is it a couch or a bed endeavour? Shouldn´t I do that load of laundry that I’ve been putting off for weeks that has forced me to have to steal my roommate’s skid-marked underwear?

Recent research, not to mention Spanish culture, says forget the laundry and snooze it up. According to an article on BIO.com (http://http://web.archive.org/web/20070310193716/www.bio.com/newsfeatures/newsfeatures_research.jhtml?cid=19200022), a short nap is very natural after a long hearty afternoon meal (especially if the meal is cocido, in which case you want to sleep to forget the fact that you just ate that stuff). The article goes on to say that a short nap after eating can help prevent obesity, and can keep your mind functioning better for the rest of the day. Daytime sleep can also prevent narcolepsy, which is a scary, scary thing.

The real question though is how long to nap. If you’re out for too long, you’ll wake up feeling groggy, disoriented and sometimes even grumpy. And nobody likes a grumpy guy with skid marked underwear.

To avoid that, most sleep research suggests taking a power nap, somewhere between 15 and 45 minutes, but not longer. If you sleep longer, you will shift into the next, deeper stage of sleep, and interrupting that is what you feel when you wake up from a nap and have no idea where you are or what day it is. However, one full sleep cycle is about two and a half hours, so if you’re really dead you can get a nice, long, full nap, one that is usually reserved before a long night of partying.

The toughest part of taking a nap though, is the inescapable guilt. With every ´to nap or not to nap` internal debate comes the guilt. While our Spanish counterparts have long been famous for their post-meal pillow parties, the American in me still feels that guilt before every nap that I take. The internal battle is there whether or not we admit it to ourselves, but please, don’t let guilt take away what you hold most dear. You’ve got modern science behind you. Screw the man, set your alarm, hop into your bed or couch or floor or cardboard box, and snore away!

Ok kids, this week it’s time to get a bit daft in our quest to save money!

Bus, Bin, Pigeon

Incredibly silly but strangely compelling game patented by myself and my good friend Laura, inspired by the beautiful cityscape of Birmingham but ideal for playing in any city in the world. The rules are simple: when you see a bus, shout “bus!”, when you see a bin, shout “bin!”…and you can probably guess what you have to shout when you see a pigeon. Of course, you can adapt the game to suit your local flora and fauna, for example in Lavapies “tramp, poo, fight”.

The first person to spot the object gets a point, winner is the person with most points (told you it was simple). Bonus points for combining all three things, such as a pigeon driving a bus into a bin. Whilst this scenario is quite unlikely, I did actually see two tramps throwing horse manure at each other a few days ago in my barrio. Score!  

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by Helen Macrae

As city, Madrid has got it all. With theatres and tapas, bars and bullfighting, shopping and sunshine, it’s cosmopolitan, frenetic, bold, brash and…smelly.

When I first touched down in Spain I was overwhelmed by the host of aromas to hit my nose (starting with that all-too familiar smell of smoke mere seconds after I had walked into arrivals), but after a while I became accustomed to it all as I busied myself with daily life, trotting around the city teaching executives useful words like chav, monkfish and Tesco clubcard. It took a visit from my parents and their non-initiated noses to remind me that Madrid has an amazing array of aromas, some of them nice and some of them nasty, but all combining to create that unique “Esencia de Madrid”.

My sensory journey begins each morning at Metro Sol, when I change from Line 3 to Line 1 and my nostrils are hit with the delicious smell of freshly-baked waffles coming from the cafe in the station. Luckily I’m always in too much of a rush to stop and buy any, otherwise I’d currently be the size of a small country. Unfortunately though, even this divine smell is sometimes not enough to mask the stink of drains which seems to permanently hang in the air round Sol. Other unpleasant odours I experience on the Metro to work are B.O., bad breath and, my personal favourite, the smell of someone sweating out alcohol they drank the night before. Yuk.

More agreeable aromas you might encounter as you journey round Madrid include cut grass when the gardeners have been out in force in one of the city’s numerous parks, along with the delightful scent of flowers as you walk by the Botanical Gardens next to the Retiro. The smell of cigarette smoke is pretty much unavoidable anywhere you go, as is that of frying food, both of which may or may not to be your taste. As you wander round Lavapies you’re hit with the pungent smell of curry, laced with a whiff of hash and perhaps a dash of urine. Walk round the more well-heeled barrios of the city such as Salamanca, Retiro and Opera, and you can smell money.

But my favourite smell in Madrid is one that it’s difficult to put my finger on, and which at times can be quite elusive. As my mate H puts it, it’s that smell you sometimes catch a waft of on a summer’s evening, just as dusk is drawing in, a smell full of promise and anticipation of the night’s adventures. The smell of fun!

Madrid Metro - Smells delightful?

By Helen Macrae

Since the last time we spoke I’ve not (a) had a wealthy long-lost relative die and leave me a substantial inheritance, (b) landed a lucrative contract to replace Penelope Cruz as the face of Mango, or (c) married a Texan oil billionaire. In other words, I’m still broke. At this time of year I imagine that many of you are in the same boat, with students running out of loan/grant/money from the Bank of Mum & Dad, and the rest of us trying to save those pennies in order to afford to go on holiday somewhere a bit better than Bognor this summer. Fear not though, help is at hand! Like a kindly (albeit cash-strapped) fairy godmother, I’ll be here during the coming weeks to guide you through your darkest dinero-free moments. Here’s this week’s tip to get you started, and let the penny-pinching begin! 

Picnic o’clock

Since Madrid is blessed with particularly pleasant weather during the summer months, what better way to spend a lazy afternoon than enjoying a picnic in one of the city’s many parks. Head out to Casa de Campo to get away from it all, try the Retiro if you prefer somewhere a bit more central, or if ancient Egyptian artefacts are more you thing then make a beeline for Parque Templo Debod. Of course, the essential ingredient of a picnic is, well…a picnic, and since you’re broke you probably don’t have the money to skip down to El Corte Ingles for strawberries and champagne. But before you go entertaining any ideas of shoplifting, just remember many an inventive meal can be scrounged from an almost-empty kitchen cupboard…just think back your uni days when you had to do it at the end of term in order to not to starve! Tried and tested dishes include noodles and peas, tuna and ketchup, and my personal favourite, fishfinger spaghetti. Buen provecho! 

By Helen Macrae

Dust off your foam fingers and practise your “Awoogas!” - after almost a decade away from our screens Gladiators is back! The show will air on Sky One and “feature bigger thrills and maximum impact using special effects, water skills and the latest technology”, as well as including old favourites such as Hang Tough, Duel, Powerball and of course, The Eliminator. If you spent most of the nineties chanting “Another One Bites The Dust” in front of the TV on a Saturday night (or like me, you actually went to Birmingham NIA to watch it being filmed, complete with uber-geeky “There’s no comparison to Saracen” banner) all this will be rather exciting.

Robin Ashbrook, Executive Producer, Shine Ltd commented: “In the 1990’s GLADIATORS was a big, bold ambitious show. Now it’s found its home on Sky One GLADIATORS is a 21st century event. To record the show we’ll be using film studios covering 30,000 square feet, an incredible set and possibly the biggest lighting rig in TV history. Our new GLADIATORS logo and graphics reflect the scale of the TV event of 2008; Epic.”

Unfortunately, this bigger and better ethic will mean some changes, so those of you expecting to see Jet’s no-handed cartwheels and Wolf’s outbursts and sneaky short-ripping tactics, prepare to be disappointed. Instead, the show will feature 12 shiny new Gladiators togged out in space-age costumes, complete with mandatory and slightly bizarre names (surely female Gladiator “Battleaxe” can’t have chosen the name herself?). Ian Wright and Kirsty Gallacher will replace John “The Fash” Fashanu and Ulrika “Swedish hussy” Jonsson. But fear not, original referee and head of contender selection, John Anderson, will be back to clear up just exactly who will go on his first whistle…hurrah!

The series is being filmed at Shepperton Studios and will be launched in May this year.

by Simon Rashleigh

SPW* 

You may have seen the movie Cabaret, or even the stage show. But I haven’t, and I’m here to tell you about something else.

 For a different night out-in Madrid try watching a theatre show in Alto de la Extremadura.  For the bargain price of 5 you get a drink and a ticket to the great spectacle.  

Entertainers of all sorts will perform their ‘numbers’. You might for example see some Kung-Fu style rolling around on the floor with juggling clubs or a man trying to balance a ball on an Ikea chair.  Expect general defiance of the laws of gravity, with a bit of music to break things up.  Expect to laugh. Having been some days in preparation a splendid time is guaranteed for all.

To get there, follow Helen’s tip below about Line 6.   Ride until 11pm when your presence will be required, a short walk from alto de la extremadura metro. 

shmasound presentCircus Cabaret Primaveranoche librec/Magin Calo 23 “La peña” 

*Shameless Plug Warning