by Peter Moore

Number Twelve – The D4: Party

Friday night. Music with excitement, energy and a touch of irresponsibility required. Decision: put on a song called Party by now-dead New Zealand rockers, The D4. All I’m going to say

by Matt Johnson

An unfortunately cruel joke was recently played on me by several television networks at once. It was an expertly executed prank,  and was aimed solely with the express purpose of pissing me off. And the conspirators involved? Those soul-less bastards at HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central, who laughed themselves to the bank after ending Entourage, South Park, and Californication – all in the span of a four week period.

But regardless, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I enjoyed every wasted minute of each one of these sitcoms, and so for those of you less enlightened cats out there, I’ve been kind enough to lay it all out for you. Not to worry though, dear reader – I may not be the nicest guy in the world, but I’m not enough of an ass to ruin anything for you. In other words, no “spoiler alert” warnings are necessary here, so read on and enjoy.

Entourage: Season 5

The fifth season of Entourage was a welcomed change of pace for the usually fortunate Vincent Chase. It was a season of soul searching and second guessing; of failures (for Vince and E); and surprising successes for both the usually lady-luckless Turtle, and Vince’s ageing, spotlight-shadowed older brother, Johnny Drama.

So after a solid dozen weeks detailing Vince’s struggle to rebound from his first major failure, Medellin, I’ll admit that I was just about ready to see the crew simply throw in the towel and move back to their home town stomping grounds of Queens, NY. And boy was I shocked when they actually did in the season finale – having the boys return to their neighborhood for the first time in the show’s history. And as for the ending? Well, as much as I’d love to throw in my two cents, I sure would hate to ruin it for you.

South Park: Season 12

After eleven seasons of insanity, the boys came in for their twelfth year of elementary school with guns blazing, ready for action. However, after the brilliant-ridiculousness of the past few seasons, lucky number twelve certainly had several hard acts to follow, and as happens in all natural life-cycles, there are always ups with the downs. And season twelve, if anything, was a down. Now, take it from an avid South Park enthusiast like myself, this is near blasphemy to say. I’ve seen every single episode of this series at least once, and have been following these fourth graders with obsessive fervor since I was still collecting baseball cards and dreading the arrival of my first pimple.

But still, maybe it was the absence of a standout episode this year – there were no “Imagination Land’s” or “With Apologies to Jessie Jackson’s” like in seasons past – that caused my mild disappointment. I never had the urge to call friends after watching an episode from season twelve to say, “Oh my God can you believe what they did last night?” Only after “Eek, a Penis!”, where Mrs. Garrison chases her genetically mouse-gineered…ahem…member, all over town, did I bother to bring it up to other enthusiasts. So maybe some of the stories wavered a bit on the lame side, and most jokes warranted little more than a yawn on my part, but they still entertained nonetheless. Even so, listen up, Matt & Trey, and listen good: next year you better be comin’ in hot with plenty more Randy Marsh and celebrity spoof episodes or your fans may start losing faith. Anyway, not a threat, just a warning.

So though some may speculate that this season was the mark of South Park’s general comedic decline, I just say that it was an off year. For a show that bases most of its content on the socially ridiculous current events and characters of the time, as long as Hollywood keeps churning out its mind-polluting garbage, as long as the masses of Americans continue to follow nonsensical fads and phases, and as long as Al Gore is around to save the world from certain Armageddon by “Man-bear-pig,” the laughs will no doubt continue for what I hope to be another many successful seasons to come.

Californication: Season 2

Take a former alien hunter (David Duchovny), a sexaholic, a best-selling author, and a quick-witted, mischief causing dude, put them together, and what do you get? Californication. This Showtime original came back to rock the screen for twelve weeks in its sophomore season this fall, as my personal idol, Hank Moody, continued his monogamistic struggle between writing, family, and women-weaknesses. From dark and dramatic to hilariously funny, the second season was in no way disappointing.

And what made this year such as success? Well, it certainly had something to do with its string of great new characters like the playboy music producer, Lou Ashby, but it also had its pitfalls as well. Perhaps it was for lack of content, or maybe it was their feeble attempt at plot weaving, that the good people at Showtime let Hank’s pre-ejaculating, creepy, bald-headed agent, steal a lot of screen time with his pornographic endeavors and marriage problems. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that the viewer could really care less about old Charlie Runkle (he’s certainly no Ari Gold), who personally freaks me out a little bit, to say the least. As this remains to be the season’s only mistake however (hey, nobody’s perfect), I still chalk it up to being a great second year in what will hopefully be a long-running and consistently comical sitcom series.

So with all three shows finishing in such a short time, I, the viewer, have been left like a lost puppy in the cold – confused, frightened, and hungry – for more entertainment. So, it is with a recently cleared schedule from no weekly airtimes to look forward to, that I must get back into the search for some more shows with which to waste my free time. That, or maybe I’ll just scrap it all together, be content with my reruns and pirated T.V. websites, and pick up a good book. Better yet, maybe I’ll just shut my computer off for once, clean my room, and go learn some Spanish. I’m not promising anything, but we’ll see what happens.