by Helen Macrae

As all current and ex-students know, when your loan’s dwindled to nothing and you’re broker than Paul McCartney would be if Heather Mills had got her way, you need to get creative if you want to have fun without spending any money. Although my housemate H and I graduated almost three years ago, we don’t seem to have progressed much beyond the state of penniless students, so, when we found ourselves with nearly a week off work this Easter but barely 10 Euros between us, we had to come up with a plan.

Here are our Madrid top tips for minimum spend and maximum F U N !

1. Retiro it up

Madrid’s number one park is huge, easy to get to and, best of all, completely free. Go on a Sunday and count how many kids you can spot trussed up in their Sunday best after church (double points for any siblings in matching outfits) or have a laugh at all the people sweltering in their rubbish Spiderman/Mickey Mouse costumes. If you really want to blend in with the Madrileños, wear beige or, if you’re feeling fancy, a bit of gold (weekend beige).

2. Snog

While you’re down at the Retiro you might as well do as the Spanish do and have a good old snog. Just grab your partner, find a highly visible park bench and go for it! See how long you can manage without coming up for air, or perhaps try testing how amorous you can get (bonus points for any removal of clothes!) before someone comes over to tell you off/you’re thrown out by park security. If you don’t have a lady or fella to snog, then fear not, just try our next tip which is…

3. Stroll down Calle Lavapies

Take a walk down this street in our favourite barrio and you will more than likely get a few lecherous comments shouted at you by willing suitors. If none of them take your fancy, head into one of the many curry houses instead and see if you can sweet-talk your way into some free poppadums.

4. Explore the dark side

If all the romance is just too much or you’ve recently had an unpleasant break-up and are feeling particularly bitter, head back to the Retiro and annoy some snogging couples by throwing twigs/stones/frozen peas at them. Make sure you’re well-hidden before you start and plan your escape route should things get nasty.

5. Be cultured

Find out when the various art galleries do their freebie days and try to pass for an arty type (beret optional). Since it’s free the place will probably be heaving with both Madrileños and foreigners alike, but while you’re queueing you can play everybody’s favourite game “Guess the nationality” to while away the time.

6. Try the swapsies market

Not technically free, but if you do want to buy something from this market (unlikely) it won’t cost you more than a couple of cents. The stallholders set out their wares (i.e. tat they’ve found in a dustbin) just over the road from Atocha station most days in the early evening, and therein ensues a frenzy of bartering until the police show up and everyone gets moved along.

7. Go Swedish

Hours of fun can be had at IKEA, Sweden’s best export. The easiest one to get to if you don’t have a car (which, let’s face it, is pretty unlikely if you’re skint and if you do you probably don’t have the money to fill it up with petrol anyway) is Madrid Este on Metro Line 1 (Las Suertes). Bring your camera and take a few photos of you and your mates posing in the various home set-ups to send back to the parents (”Look mum, we DO live in a nice tidy flat”) and have fun testing the beds and sofas for comfort. See how long it takes before you are forcibly removed from the premises.

8. Ride the Circle line

Ok, so it’s probably not the most thrilling Saturday night you could have, but it’ll only cost you the price of a Metro ticket, jump on Line 6 and you might meet some new friends!

Tags: , Madrid, Madrid on budget, spain, Travel

This entry was posted on Monday, April 7th, 2008 at 10:18 am and is filed under Comedy, Features, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.