By Ryan Craggs
About a week ago I was lamenting to a female friend about how I sorely lacked a wingman and it made certain social pursuits much more difficult. She didn’t seem to think that it should be such a problem for a young, strapping lad such as myself. Clearly, she didn’t understand the gravity of the situation.
Ladies, pay attention.
A wingman can be the ultimate form of sacrifice, if a girl’s best friend happens to be a complete dog. I’m sorry, call me shallow, but it happens. When a guy is talking to a chick, he needs someone often to occupy her friend(s). This person is called a wingman. My hurdle lies in the fact that my roommate has a girlfriend, my other roommate is 32 and doesn’t frequent clubs, and the only guy around my age at work is gay. Strikes one, two, and three.
The wingman is so much more than a simple decoy. If a club sucks, you’ve got someone to talk to. If it’s got a decent number of hunnies (and by hunnies, I mean women who wouldn’t make you wake up the next day and wash yourself and your mouth with bleach) you’ve got someone to scope the premises out with. If you want to approach a group of chicks, you don’t have to make it apparent you’re trying for one in particular from the get-go. Imagine trying to play a game of pickup basketball. There’s already a team on the court with a ball and everything, and they’re waiting for challengers. You wouldn’t challenge them to a game of 5 on 1 or even 3 on 1, right? Apart from a dog, a wingman’s the best friend a guy could ever have.
The moral of the story is having a wingman makes every dude’s life easier, including a stud such as myself. Yeah, I’ve got two degrees, love working with kids, am pretty good-looking, moonlight as a writer, saved a few cats from a burning building last week, volunteer at the hospital on the weekend, and am the winner of several international push-up competitions, but we could all use some help when it comes to club-hopping. I don’t want to be that creepy guy staring at chicks in a club by himself. Perhaps I’m too self-conscious, but I don’t want to have people thinking I have no friends and am just desperate to get laid. It’s probably true, but I’d rather not put that out in a public forum…oh crap.
